Chimps and Chumps from Optus

Yeah! We have broadband at home. At least, the Excellent Missus does. My computer is still grumpy. But you’re not off the hook Optus. I thought I’d celebrate my new-found connectivity by posting about you…

I was hoping to kick-off this blog gently, with quirky stories about dwarves and puppies, but of course someone made me angry. Specifically, Optus made me angry. For those overseas visitors who were too lazy to follow the link above, Optus are a home phone / mobile phone / broadband telco. My mobile and home phone is with them. Allegedly, my new broadband connection is with them too.

You can imagine my joy then at being able to take aim at a company who use a menagerie of animals, including a CHIMP of all things, to promote their broadband.

Optus broadband explained
After the Excellent Missus and I set up our first account, they closed it before we could get connected. The second time around, they insisted that someone receive our new modem in person. The Excellent Missus arranged for it to be delivered to her work. Big mistake.

Some enterprising spotty kid in the call centre with dreams of becoming assistant-vice-junior-sub-deputy team leader got inspired to change our address and phone number to the Excellent Missus’ workplace. So now her multi-million dollar company also has our pathetic little internet connection as well.

‘Why haven’t I gone with someone else?’ I hear you ask. Well, like banks, all telcos are THE SAME. And by ‘the same’, I mean ‘shit’.

The sweetener was supposed to be that there is a $0 installation fee. As I discovered, this is because they offer exactly 0 installation. Sorry if I don’t feel grateful for not being charged to have a box of cables delivered to the wrong address.

The set-up guide promises that it ‘supports the Optus self-installation CD which will have your new service up and running in minutes’.

Well, two weeks and one network engineer computer mate of mine later, and I’m no closer to being connected to the Wonderful Wide Web.

Here’s a thought for all the bright things at Optus – I would have PAID to have someone take care of my new connection, and to come out and set it up.

Optus should have used one of their staff members on their promotional materials. Chimps deserve better. Optus staff don’t.


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