I’m taking the high ground – with the Liberal party

The Liberal party and I agree on one thing – Ikea furniture is shit. Although apparently their PR people aren’t too bad, ‘cos they saw Liberal backbencher Don Randall’s comments on “dodgy” Ikea chairs and rode them all the way into another story in the major dailies.

As I write this, I am sitting on an Ikea chair with several screws missing, and an Ikea table with – surprise, surprise – screws missing. Why? Because the cross-eyed Sven who was drilling the holes was too busy getting a Swedish massage or being a bad Volvo driver to actually ensure they lined up properly.

John Howard should buy his furniture from somewhere decent, or face a series of embarrassing diplomatic incidents as visiting dignitaries wind up on the floor as their chairs (Imaginatively named “Char” or “Stul”) give way.

I keep going back to Ikea though. I once set out to become a real man and build something myself. I made two discoveries:

  1. Buying wood for a CD rack is bloody expensive.
  2. No matter how wonky or unsturdy assembled Ikea furniture is, no matter how annoying those tiny little nails and flimsy chipboard backs are, it will always outperform my efforts, inspired by the Tower of Pisa and Homer Simpson’s spice rack.

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