Top 8 most common solutions offered by IT helpdesks

I have noticed that people who man helpdesks usually have titles like “Systems Analyst” or “Network Engineer”, but their actual qualification is that they once turned on a computer (it was a Commodore 64). 

IT helpdesks frustrate the hell out of me, wherever I work. How is it that the people in charge of the technology are the slowest adopters of new stuff? There is nothing are only a few things more annoying than watching your service calls logged into the ether, never to be heard from again. Here, for your enjoyment, are the Top 8 most common solutions offered by IT helpdesks:

  1. Switch it off and switch it back on again
  2. Restart
  3. Reboot
  4. Turn your computer off at the powerpoint
  5. Turn off your computer for at least five seconds
  6. The server is down
  7. I’ll reset your password
  8. I’ll log a call and get our network engineers to have a look at it [in a month or so]

The thing that kills me is most of the time I know what the problem is, I just don’t have the permission to fix it. Example:

ME: “I need to upgrade Acrobat reader [to 6.0.1] in order to read this pdf.”

GUY WHO ONCE TURNED ON A COMPUTER: “Aah, you don’t have the right permission to do that.”

ME: “Yeah, I know – can you please do it for me?”

GUY WHO ONCE TURNED ON A COMPUTER: “Ummm, I’ll log a call and get our network engineers to have a look at it. In the meantime, can I reset your password for you?”

There is only one IT helpdesk person I like – Mary. She’s as hopeless as the rest, but she’s really sweet. She lulls you into thinking she is fixing it, she uses a soothing tone, and like one of those ancient sirens, you wake up with the phone back in its cradle, and your computer still busted. TRICKERY!

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