Losing to England, at anything, sucks. Last night’s rugby union match was no exception. I hate losing to England. More specifically I hate Jonny Wilkinson. He is in need of some Tonya Harding / Nancy Kerrigan action. I wished so hard that his leg would fall off during the game, but to no avail.
This is how much I hate England: I used to teach at a secondary school in London. Whenever Australia lost to England at something, I would line up my students and beat them. Not metaphorically, I mean I would literally beat them. Then I would remind them about 1066 and the Norman invasion, the Romans, the retreat from Dunkirk, and every World Cup since 1966. Did I mention I taught history?
So for anyone else who is feeling morose about our loss to the people who inflicted Eastenders and The Bill on us, I provide you with these headlines and articles to soothe the pain: