There is something very incongruous – and pythonesque – about this story. A man is on trial for the murder of his partner in a Southbank apartment. There is security camera footage showing him carrying a body wrapped in a sheet to his car.
Not exactly the perfect crime is it? I don’t reckon they’ll be reaching for the DNA evidence just yet. Seriously mate, you’re not even trying! Spend the weekend watching some crime DVDs first, do a bit of research! Bloody hell.
Fair to say moving the body from the apartment to the car would make an awkward lift conversation:
The lift doors open to reveal a man puffing heavily as he struggles to keep a sheet shaped like a dead body upright. He lugs the body-shaped sheet into the lift, and props it up in the corner. Another passenger politely averts his eyes down into the opposite corner of the lift. The doors slide smoothly shut. It is silent except for the gentle hum of the lifts.
FLUSTERED GUY (Acting innocently): How’s it going.
PASSENGER (A little too enthusiastically): Good! Good…
FLUSTERED GUY: Yeah, good mate, good. Busy.
PASSENGER: Is that a dea-
FLUSTERED GUY: Wha- this? No. Nononono. HA! No. This is just a – ah – a mannequin! Yep. Good ‘ole mannequin.
PASSENGER: Sure, sure. It just…
FLUSTERED GUY: Yeah, I know.
Silence. The doors slide open. Flustered guy starts lugging the body-shaped sheet towards the car. Just before the doors slide shut, the passenger has a thought – he leans out of the lift…
PASSENGER: You ever seen “Weekend at Bernie’s” ?