Music royalty visits Melbourne

Unless you have been living under a rock (or possibly just a normal life) you would know that Melbourne was recently graced with music royalty.

That’s right people, Vanilla Ice was in town for one show only. I was so pumped about this that I almost paid $50 to see him perform ‘Ice Ice Baby’. The one thing that stopped me was fear of those dreadful, dreadful words: ‘This song is from my newest album.’ Noooooo!

For anyone who might have lost track of Vanilla Ice’s more recent endeavours, here are some excerpts by the man himself, from his own hilarious website.

Everything in italics is Vanilla Ice’s own words – even when he refers to himself in the third person.

It’s a true story that Video Killed the Radio Star because music should not be about image. Music should be about the music! I learned the hard way. The new Vanilla Ice is exactly that; no image, no polished made up gimmicks created by record companies. I will never be a puppet for the industry again. From this point on I will keep it real. That’s why I didn’t change the name. It doesn’t mean anything; it’s only a label. It’s not important, plus I am not running from anything or trying to hide. I want people to know that I face my adversaries. Don’t get me wrong, though I love Ice Ice Baby, I just can’t stand the image that was created for me at that time. Even though it worked and we sold 17 million records, I was treated like a puppet just to make a Hip Hop artist look like a novelty act. I was not designed to be that. I was turned into that by making my image more acceptable to a younger audience, but to tell the difference just listen to the music. It’s Hip Hop not Pop like all the other novelty acts.

In ’94 I tried to kill myself by overdosing…after waking up a couple of days later, I realized that I needed to make a change in everything and just go back to the things that used to bring me happiness, like Motocross.

Now I have a new outlook on life and music. The new sound is also much harder and darker because of the issues I am writing about. It caters to a new crowd. It leans toward the body piercing, tattoo crowd aging from 15 to 25…Stay tuned because the best has yet to come.

I was going to take the piss out of this biography, then I thought ‘what can I add?’ 

Let’s turn our attention to Vanilla’s discography, as written by Vanilla Ice someone who is not Vanilla Ice. Again, italics are quotes from the website.

Hooked – Hooked is essentially an early copy of ‘To The Extreme’.
To the Extreme – Despite all of the critics, this record has yet to be topped by another hip-hop artist.
Extemely live – It is essentially a live version of ‘To The Extreme’. Although this album was disliked by many critics it did go gold.

Okay, so essentially his first three albums were the one album. I bet he loves saying ‘No need to reinvent the wheel!’

Cool As Ice – A rather good movie compared to the films of the past with pop stars headlining.

If only Margaret Pomeranz and David Stratton had reviewed this film…

Mind Blowin’ – The album sold close to 45,000 copies before being discontinued when SBK went bankrupt during production.

Apparently it was also budget blowin’

Hard To Swallow – Hard To Swallow was exactly that. While the album only sold around 100,000 copies, the songs are very well received by fans.

That first line is delivered without a hint of irony. I reckon his whole career (minus ‘Ice Ice Baby’ of course) is a bit hard to swallow.

Bi-Polar – Bi-Polar lives up to its name – A beautiful blend of monstrous metal and blazing beats coupled with vicious vocals. It eloquently brings together the two sides of a mind we have come to know as Vanilla Ice. Welcome to the second Ice Age!

Just when you thought there were no more ‘ice’ puns to be made, he floors me with ‘the second Ice Age’! The man is a genius – where does he think of these things?

Deadset, if I could copy and paste an entire website into this post, I would have. I encourage you to spend a few extra minutes exploring the full splendour of the Vanilla Ice website at www.vanillaice.com

And just to remind you how freakin’ cool those dance moves were, here is the video to ‘Ice Ice Baby’ – Yo! Let’s kick it!

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2 thoughts on “Music royalty visits Melbourne

  1. A. Mangl says:

    “as fear of those dreadful, dreadful words: ‘This song is from my newest album.’ Noooooo!”
    hahaha, classic! have a look at our melbourne based music blog mr monkeybizness! we’ve just gone online and would love to know what other bloggers think

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