A tale of tackle

Boys, cross your legs as you read this squeak-inducing account on the BBC website of an extreme case of testicular separation.

For those who were too lazy to follow the link, here is the crux of the story: a woman who ripped off her ex-boyfriend’s testicle with her bare hands has been sent to prison.

I cannot fathom how vicious this chick must have been to completely sever a testicle. But there are some other details of the story that are even more wild. For example:

She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: “That’s yours.”

That’s yours? THAT’S YOURS !?!? Mate, you make it sound like you’re handing back a set of lost car keys.

“Oh cheers mate, I was looking for that testicle, Where did you find it?”

“On top of the fridge.”

“I could have sworn I looked there! Oh well, thanks anyway.”

and this:

Judge Charles James said it was “a very serious injury.”

That is a stunning insight Your Honour. I don’t know how any man could sit on this case and not sentence this woman to death.

But this is where the story gets really suspect:

In his statement, Mr Jones said she grabbed his genitals and “pulled hard”.

He added: “That caused my underpants to come off and I found I was completely naked and in excruciating pain.”

This guy is claiming that his ex-girlfriend grabbed him and cleanly ripped off his underpants. Who is she, Wonder Woman? I reckon he was stark naked when this all unfolded. This has booty-call-gone-wrong written all over it.

It sounds like a bad lie to a wife: “I swear honey, I wasn’t doing anything – my clothes just came right off!”

Anyway, I discovered something that this bloke might be interested in – Bumper Nuts:

Bumper Nuts

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7 thoughts on “A tale of tackle

  1. Ian says:

    I am wincing just reading about it. He must really have done something to piss her off that badly. I think this trumps what Lorena Bobbitt did to her husband.

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