It is a little-known fact that boats were invented by Graham Boat in 1706.
Born to his parents exactly a year before his first birthday, young Boat proved to be inquisitive about the ways of the sea from an early age. By his second birthday he was already experimenting with various vessels in his bathtub, and by the age of five it was clear that his destiny lay in the future.
As a teenager, Boat could always be found at the docks in his home of Liverpool. Vexed by the lack of purpose for said docks, he resolved to invent something that would put them to good use. Hence the idea of a ‘boat’ was born.
The English Government took a keen interest in the project, and after a few false starts Boat was able to provide them with an early prototype:
The idea quickly gained traction, and before long boats of various shapes and sizes were to be found everywhere. Their popularity rapidly led to the discovery of America by Christopher Columbus in 1718 and the creation of a television show called ‘The Loveboat’ two years later.
Sadly Boat’s rapid rise to fame among the English aristocracy took a toll. His hedonistic lifestyle left him with no money, and to further compound matters only months later he found himself bankrupt. In later years he could be found on the streets of Liverpool in a leopard-print leotard yelling “I’m Catwoman!”
The legacy of Boat’s invention cannot be underestimated. Without him, the world would not have international shipping, would not have discovered islands and would still have smelly underarms (Boat also invented deodorant.)
Thank you Graham Boat, thank you.