Famous figures in history (1)


Graham Boat

It is a little-known fact that boats were invented by Graham Boat in 1706.

Born to his parents exactly a year before his first birthday, young Boat proved to be inquisitive about the ways of the sea from an early age. By his second birthday he was already experimenting with various vessels in his bathtub, and by the age of five it was clear that his destiny lay in the future.

As a teenager, Boat could always be found at the docks in his home of Liverpool. Vexed by the lack of purpose for said docks, he resolved to invent something that would put them to good use. Hence the idea of a ‘boat’ was born.

The English Government took a keen interest in the project, and after a few false starts Boat was able to provide them with an early prototype:

The world's first boat

The first prototype designed by Graham Boat

The idea quickly gained traction, and before long boats of various shapes and sizes were to be found everywhere. Their popularity rapidly led to the discovery of America by Christopher Columbus in 1718 and the creation of a television show called ‘The Loveboat’ two years later.

Sadly Boat’s rapid rise to fame among the English aristocracy took a toll. His hedonistic lifestyle left him with no money, and to further compound matters only months later he found himself bankrupt. In later years he could be found on the streets of Liverpool in a leopard-print leotard yelling “I’m Catwoman!”

The legacy of Boat’s invention cannot be underestimated. Without him, the world would not have international shipping, would not have discovered islands and would still have smelly underarms (Boat also invented deodorant.)

Thank you Graham Boat, thank you.

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5 thoughts on “Famous figures in history (1)

  1. Quirky Indian says:

    Boat’s estate and descendants must apologise to all erstwhile colonised people, including Native Americans, Indians and people of the African continent, for his wicked invention……historical wrongs must be undone!

    Of course, I am grateful to him for inventing deodorant…..India would have been intolerable otherwise.

    Damn these mixed feelings.

    But I still say they should apologise.



    Quirky Indian

  2. monkeybizness says:

    Kiwi, what I’m really hoping is that some kid in a school in North London will get a history assignment, do some lazy googling, and then try to pass off my blog post as their history assignment. Just the slightest possibility that that could ever happen makes me chuckle.

  3. NB says:

    Graham would be rolling in his grave after today’s story about fast ferrys up the yarra to hawthorn, because “they do it on the brisbane river”. OK, forgetting the fact that the yarra is about 1/20th the width and the trip would take twice as long as the train, does anyone have any idea what a fast ferry would do to the Wesley coxless four at high speed?

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