Five things I learnt today

Here are five things that I have learnt in the past 24 hours.

1) People in Moe can be a bit crook in the head. Yesterday I met a guy there who owned a dingo called ‘Azaria’ – as in Azaria Chamberlain. Wrong. But dare I say it, also funny.

2) You couldn’t invent Tony Mokbel. The underworld crime figure escaped Australia on a yacht that was first shipped across the Nullabor in plain sight. Today it emerged that Fat Tony had a cunning plan to avoid interrogation if he was caught by the cops – pretend to be a deaf mute. Apparently he got the idea from Helen Keller, another prominent organised crime figure. You’re dumb Tony, but not in any useful way.

3) Madonna should stop wearing leotards. Pleeeeaaase Madonna, stop wearing them!

madonna_leotard   madonna_foul_leotard

4) Japan went into recession. And also “announced recently that it was researching plans to build a space elevator – a link to space that could transport cargo and even tourists – for as little as 1 trillion yen ($11 billion)”. Anyway Japan, I’ve got some thoughts on where you might be able to cut some corners, maybe tighten the belt a bit.

5) There is never, ever a time when Arnold Schwarzenegger does not sound completely awesome. Never. As the Governor of California, he should be mired in mundane legislative matters. But as firestorms engulf the state, Schwarzenegger issued a statement regarding the prosecution of arsonists. But he ramps up the big Hollywood/Austrian accent and delivers these pearls:

“I want everyone to understand that we will hunt down the people responsible for that and we will arrest them and prosecute them to the full extent of the law…and believe me, we will not fail…If I were one of the people who started the fires, I would not sleep soundly right now – I’ve got to tell you – because we’re right behind you…”

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