Mystic bullshit

I went to an osteopath this morning to get some treatment for a crook knee. She made me lie on my back, and she sat down next to me. Then she put her palms under my back and bum. And that was it. We both stayed motionless for 40 minutes.

Neither of us spoke much. She said – and I haven’t made this up – she was ‘having a dialogue’ with my body, listening to it and trying to work out ‘what the body was trying to do to heal my sore points, and then working with it.’ Despite the temptation, I didn’t give her a cupcake.

At the end she said my body had ‘started a process of balancing out’ that was occurring ‘even though I couldn’t feel it’. To help straighten up my hips even further though, she had a cunning plan…

She had a dialogue with my wallet.

Here’s how it went:

Osteopath: That’s $75 dollars please.
My wallet:   Err….okay.

With a far lighter wallet in my right pocket I set off for work, with nothing to show for my appointment but sore knees and a very expensive blog post.

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6 thoughts on “Mystic bullshit

  1. hutz says:

    Are you sure you went to an osteopath, and not a witch doctor… or a sociopath?

    My osteo is amazingly good. After 4 years of trying at least a dozen different people of varying professions, she’s the first who has properly diagnosed me. I’d never go to a physio, podiatrist, masseur or anyone else again before going to see her first.

  2. Steve says:

    sounds like the guy off the HBA ad from all those years ago who clapped the fish over the woman. Love it.

    Seriously though, Osteo’s (or proper ones!) are the only people I see now.
    Physios = take these exercises and it will be fine
    Chrio = if I break your neck here, it won’t hurt there anymore.
    Masseur=no real man gets a massage
    Myotherapist=what?

    And $75 is far too much too…most Osteo fees will be somewhere in the $45-$60 range. Leave the witch doctor for someone new.

    Or, even better, head to VUT for cheap (and great) Osteo. It’s where the students train but they’re awesome and it’s quite cheap…$15-$25 when I last went a while ago.
    http://www.vu.edu.au/Faculties_and_TAFE/Health_Engineering_and_Science/Schools/Health_Sciences/Osteopathy/Clinics/index.aspx

  3. mike says:

    as an osteopathic medical student, whoever the original poster saw sounds like they were doing cranial/sacral therapy. Personally, I am not a fan, but there are some who are very good and get good results for neurologically-based pain. That being said, if a patient comes to see me about knee pain, I’m addressing the knee, hip, spine, ankle mortise relationship…not your bum 😉

    Hope your knee gets better.

    • monkeybizness says:

      Mike, that’s actually really interesting. By way of update, I decided to injure something else, just for some variety. I will be returning to complaining about my knees sometime in June.

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